A Quilted Life

2007-09-21T15:29:00.000+01:00

I did a Tarot reading to explore my creative block….

I deal the cards until I come to the a Major card.
In answer to the questions:
What drives me? - The Chariot was the first and only card.
What blocks me? - there were six cards before Le Pape appears.
Advice? - Temperance was the next card.

I’m driven by the will to achieve, but I’m failing to take the reins and have been left stranded by prevarication. I lack confidence in my abilities - not so much technical, more conceptual.
Its time to make something for, and about myself…. something that in years to come my great grandchild might come across and treasure.
To make this ’thing’ I need to break out of constrained thinking, and stop worrying about making a mess and wasting materials. I need to trust the process and allow this thing to evolve.

There’s more of course. I could spend hours exploring the cards, but already an idea is starting to form.

I first read Clarissa Pinkola Estes _Women Who Run With the Wolves_ in the early 1990s, and it remains close to hand. There’s a section entitled The Scapecoat…
… is a coat that details in painting, writing, and with all manner of things pinned and stitched to it all the name-calling a woman has endured in her life, all the insults, all the slurs, all the traumas, all the wounds, all the scars.

A few years ago I worked through an unhappy period by making ‘painful’ fragments - torn, burned, manipulated fragments of fabric, fibre and thread. I called them ‘A hundred tiny hurts and a few bloody big ones’. But as I worked them, I found myself adding more and more tiny areas of sparkle - the silver linings, the glimmers of hope, the pearls in the oyster.

I don’t want to make a Scapecoat. But I would like to make a Lifecoat…. something that charts the triumphs and tribulations, the achievements and the losses, the hopes and the dreams I have had and continue to have. I feel the cold more these days, and with the central heating set to the minimum to do my bit to save this amazing planet, I need a robe to keep me warm and comforted at home.

So today the plan is that I shall make myself a robe, using the softest fabrics and embroidered with metaphors of my life. Tomorrow I may regret stating this decision, but at least it’s a foothold out of the quagmire of indecision.

inspiration

2007-07-11T07:05:00.000+01:00

The multi-talented baba_prague from Magic Realist Press - also at http://baba-studio.livejournal.com/ has been posting pictures of the doorways of Prague. And in so doing has resolved my issue of what to do with the central panel.

A doorway! Complete with doors that open [and close] and a vista beyond.

When I can find time I'll write about my fascination with doorways, thresholds and liminal places. But finding time has been impossible of late..... actually, not true - the problem is finding the right balance of time and energy. But I have a whole week's leave next week, and nothing on the horizon to steal my time and energy away from sewing. I can't wait!

2007-06-23T12:23:00.000+01:00

Its impossible to get a good overview, and this pic is dominated by the 'yet to be decided' centre panel.

I'm aware that Erica is not keen on the mermaid and galleon. More about the reason for their inclusion later...

The flowers growing in the roots of the trees are from a bolero/waistcoat worn by Erica when she was 5 or 6

2007-06-21T08:52:00.000+01:00

I seem to have lost sight of the purpose of this blog.
Self-consciousness causes me to hide. If I post my work, there's no escaping the faults. If I stay silent I can delude myself that tomorrow I'll do better.

I shall be glad when the moon phase side of the quilt is complete. I'm looking forward to the more abstract, less obvious metaphors that I can work into the solar festivals side of the quilt. But I don't want to hurry and make a pig's ear of pulling together the moon phase panels. I think I may pause soon, start the other side and return to this when inspiration strikes.

Some pics:

ooops... its been too long and camera battery's flat. Pics later when battery and me are re-charged.

Knitting

2007-06-02T09:23:00.000+01:00

Here's what I'm knitting:

Its a strange yarn - 70% wool, 30% soybean protein fibre. It knits easily, if a tad too easily [if that makes any sense], its beautifully soft and drapey and I love the colourways.

I particularly like this colourway, but I'd need to adapt the pattern to make it waist length or just below.

I really like this simple sweater, but as I can't wear wool next to my skin I prefer to knit jackets.

Really struggling with these horrible new specs, my first pair of varifocals. I think I prefer generalised haze, rather than the strangely misshapen, if wonderfully clear in places, view of the world. I chose what I felt to be the least-ageing frames, but caught a glimpse of myself in the supermarket looking extremely stern. I do think stern can be useful, but its hopelessly removed from my wish to look like a serenely ageing Pre-Raphaelite beauty [not that I ever remotely resembled one in my youth].

2007-06-01T07:25:00.000+01:00

I'm at the mid - its all shit - stage.

I'm to collect my first ever pair of varifocal specs today. I suspect that, able to see the world clearly in quite a while, it'll look even worse. But I've come too far now to make anything other than superficial changes, so I'd just better get on with it... a metaphor for my life, as much as my sewing, I reckon.

I'm satisfied with the almost completed mermaid and galleon, and owl and moose [mooses? meese?]. But as you can see, I made a major fuck up requiring the base fabric to be cut away so that the galleon and owl scenes are awkward, bulky appliques. I can hopefully loose the edges in the ditch when I quilt, or maybe I'll come up with a better way of dealing with the mess when I have some distance from it.

And speaking of distance, I'm off on Sunday for a week in Cromer, Norfolk, with my mother [holds breath, crosses anything crossable]. Actually, she's remarkably fit for 82. Its all in the posture, I observe - standing straight takes years off.

I've decided not to take any sewing - my confidence wouldn't survive the withering appraisal of my paltry skills. I've had my eye on the Rowan Tapestry knitting yarn for quite a while, so what better excuse [and excuse is needed, because the yarn is uncomfortably expensive] to knit something new - pics to follow.

cloissoine effect

2007-05-15T09:51:00.000+01:00

Lunar Moth - in progress

City of dreams

I need to outline with embroidery, but don't want to 'solidify' and lose the ephemeral effect. Still pondering...

Belt and braces...

2007-05-08T10:00:00.000+01:00

... and still I'm convinced my trousers will fall down - metaphorically speaking.

I have a tendency to be overly concerned with strength of construction. Following Jude Hill's work http://spiritcloth.typepad.com/spirit_cloth/
is teaching me the beauty of raw edges and the effects of age and wear on fabric. I would never before have raw-edge appliqued - certainly not something as flimsy as habotai. But I love the effect, and the fact that if and when it frays, I'll repair with embroidery.

a scrap of painted or dyed silk habotai, stitched in place with two rounds of running stitch in embroidery thread.

Lunar bear

2007-05-05T07:28:00.000+01:00

Recycled painted silk/viscose velvet.

How I wish I'd kept a journal back then.
Erica would have been 9, 10... maybe 11. She'd been unwell, or upset, or deserving of a treat - I don't remember - but it occasioned a trip to Hobbycraft where she saw a silk scarf kit. She sketched the designs and came home to design her own gutta-outlined and painted silk scarf, backed with silk/viscose velvet:

She wore the scarf with pleasure and pride, until I would imagine it was no longer considered to be cool.

Lunar bear is made from the recycled velvet.

If at all possible I want to include Erica's habotai paintings in the quilt - but it will require thought about how to use such lightweight fragile fabric.

Memes

2007-04-29T07:12:00.000+01:00

I enjoy reading these snippets of people's experiences and opinions. I came across this one at Red Shoe Ramblings - debrichardson.com/blog/ and thought I'd have a go at answering those that survive the trip across the pond:

Either/Or
james brown or marvin gaye? errr... neither
chinese or indian takeout? Indian. Chicken and spinach balti, please.

fleece or knitted blanket? knitted!

wildflowers or arrangements? Wildflowers.
tradition or shakeups? Both. Depends on the context. What drives me to distraction though are smug modernisers who lack the nouse to see they're only re-inventing the wheel.
cello or trumpet? Cello.

watch-wearing or no? No! I refuse to wear one, and I'm rarely late.
salt water or fresh (for swimming)? Jumping the waves on the North Cornwall coast! Water has to be crystal-clear for me to swim, after emerging from a lake-swim covered in leeches when I was a child.
pants or shorts? In the UK this refers to knickers. Pants are big waist-high things that swathe the lower torso. Hipster shorts [or boy-knickers, as my daughter calls them] seem to have superceded thongs [which I absolutely refuse to wear]. I recently bought some shorts, and very comfortable they are too.

chatspeak or absolutely NOT? My late-teen daughter loathes chatspeak; my fifty-something best-friend has embraced it. It amuses me to try to decipher it.
digital camera or old-school? Digital. Wonderful invention - even if it took me four months to summon up the courage to take it from its box and learn to use it.
wireless or plugged in? Wireless.
waltz or tango? I learnt to ballroom-dance as a child, because I coveted the strappy silver heels and a lilac frock. The waltz felt grown up and romantic; the tango was hard and meant wearing horrible black character-shoes. Now I think the tango is the sexiest dance [well, second only to watching my husband jive] and I'd love to find a pair of those elegant character shoes.

time or newsweek? Are these magazines? I stopped buying newspapers since being able to read the Guardian and timesonline.
waterbed or mattress? Hahaha... waterbeds... 1970s... [say no more]
cream and sugar or not? No thanks. A Coffee Republic skinny latte please.
Channel4 or BBC News? Channel4 - I like the format and presenters.

John Snow or Jeremy Paxman? Both!
iTunes or something else? My daughter bought me an MP3 player for christmas. I'm just starting to lose my fear of it and have uploaded one track!
scented candles or unscented? I think you have to pay a fortune to get nicely scented candles [which I can't afford]. I like burning aromatherapy oils - particularly neroli and sandalwood, and Nag Champa incense when I'm in the mood.
prairie or mountain? Few mountains in the UK, and no prairies in this increasingly urbanised island. I love forests, hills and valleys, craggy coastlines.
socks or barefoot? Socks in cold weather. Barefoot for the 2 weeks of the year known as The English Summer.
matt damon or ben affleck? This is a generational thing. More appropriate for me would be: Robert de Niro or Al Pacino? To which I answer: both!

brass or pewter? Pewter. Although I prefer gold to silver jewellery.
wool or cotton? Both. But I can't wear wool next to my skin.
willow tree or pine? Both. I love the smell of a pine forest.... the elegance of the willow. Most of all though, the English Oak.

France or italy? Italy. We honeymooned in Paris, and I hated it.... far too frenetic for me and we had rubbish food. We arranged a premature return, dashed home, grabbed the camping gear, drove to Wales, pitched in a damp and windswept farmer's field and played pocket-chess by gaslight whilst quaffing a nice French red. Bliss.
electric or gas stove? I have electric, but I'd prefer a gas hob and electric oven.
thrift store or outlet? I'm not sure what an outlet is. Is it an out-of-town cut-price mall? Is a thrift store a charity shop or a Poundland-type shop?

My mother's an accomplished charity-shopper. I have her on the lookout for some pale cotton-velvet curtains that I can cut up to dye for textile art.

sophia loren or liz taylor? dunno... I prefer Germaine Greer, Lucinda Lampton, Emma Thompson... clever, funny, edgy women.

japanese garden or english garden? My garden's too English [way too much foliage] to be able to sustain a Japanese garden. My husband makes beautiful faux-bonsai though. Here's some pics:

I've been approved for membership

2007-04-26T16:40:00.000+01:00

of the artfulquilters web-ring - I'm thrilled to bits!

But to temper my chirpiness, I'm getting innundated with spam email [although I have it quarantined] - and, I understand there's some difficulty with posting comments to this blog. So I decided to move over to Wordpress, only to find it impossible to locate where to insert the web-ring code. Should anyone who might know how to do this happen by, I would greatly appreciate any available advice.

In the meantime I shall stay right here - thoroughly, and increasingly enjoying this blogging business. [Even if my brain hurts from trying to comprehend what widgets and plug-ins and feeds might be].

Returning to my comfort zone...

Whilst hunting for something earlier I came across two sweaters I made for my children when they were younger. Both were well-worn, until outgrown. So many memories...

The celestial theme was an early favourite of my daughter's.

Kaffe Fassett's 'Tumbling Blocks' was not a design favoured by my son. If I recall rightly, it required some subtle bribery [failing that, veiled threats] to get him to wear it. But he looked soooo sweet in it.

I have comments!

2007-04-25T18:12:00.000+01:00

Thank you, thank you... so much!
I hadn't realised just how chuffed I'd feel to receive comments.
I've felt inhibited about commenting on people's blogs... a bit in awe of their talent, and feeling unworthy [pathetic, I know]. But this has spurred me on to do so. Thank you so much!

Sew tedious

2007-04-25T10:02:00.000+01:00

Warts 'n all

2007-04-22T08:07:00.000+01:00

It is a source of inspiration and great pleasure to read textile art blogs, but it is also an uncomfortable reminder of my limited talent and skill. I would not usually want anyone to see these pictures... my work in its raw state, warts 'n all, but I need to know Erica's honest opinion about how this quilt is progressing. If need be, I'd rather return to the drawing board if the idea, the designs and colours are not pleasing to her.

This picture shows the placement of 'dark' and 'light' areas of the moon. The dark of the moon is the realm of dreams, the subconscious, inner wisdom. The images are thus shadowy, misty, ephemeral. In the top left-hand corner is a piece that will be appliqued [sewn] in position - it is an image that emerged during the colour-dyeing process, resembling 'guardian' figures. The animals are all nocturnal creatures - in this panel, the lunar hare and the bear.

The applique in this panel is of a goddess. There's a luna moth, an owl, reindeer and moose [had to get a moose in somewhere :)]

Its hard to see the applique in this photo, but its another 'guardian' form. There's another luna moth, a hare and badger.

Oh dear...

2007-04-20T13:52:00.000+01:00

... I suspected it would be hard to find the energy to keep up this blog when I returned to work. And I was right.

I have at least done a 'first tack' of the dark and light areas of the moon, and they're fitting together quite well.

But I'm unable to decide whether the background should include:
- just appliques
- just Markal paintstick shaded stencils
- or a mix of both
So I've stalled.

I want to keep the background subtle, shadowy, with ghostly, dreamlike images.

I love the way these figures and shapes emerge in the dyeing process:

Planning the full moon panel

2007-04-14T09:07:00.000+01:00

The dark blue halo on the background still has a discernable edge that needs to be blended and faded out. This is important because the final quilting lines will follow the silver/pearl rays.

I shall paint fine rays with pearl Lumiere, and accentuate later with pearl or silver stitching in places.

The [lovely oyster-coloured] viscose satin I'm using for the 'light' moons is cotton-backed and heavier than the cotton background. The circular cut should minimise fraying, so I shall raw-edge surface-applique it to the background, cutting away the ghostly background beneath. I shall machine zig zag to secure in position then hand embroider with variable length satin stitch.

I need to decide on the pattern and/or symbols to be embroidered [self-coloured] on the surface of the moon. It would be better to have this complete before appliqueing.

I keep saying 'shall', but of course decisions are usually made on the hoof. So much for planning!

The holidays over, I have to drive my daughter back to university today and ensure that I contain my tears until the journey home. The weather tomorrow is forecast to be fine, so I shall try to lose myself in a day of dyeing outdoors.

Moon phase panels

2007-04-13T12:43:00.000+01:00

Of course, I couldn't leave well alone!

I re-dyepainted the backgrounds to slightly increase the colour intensity and contrast. Its worked reasonably well, but serendipitously a bit of magic appeared in the fabric offcut used to mop up the spare dye...

2007-04-13T12:17:00.000+01:00

Its probably just coincidence, but since [re]starting this blog I have been receiving spam emails. I'm not sufficiently media-savvy, and I've been hit in the past with a trojan virus - from a textile site, of all places! - not to get anxious.

I snagged the name Quilted Life at both Blogspot and Wordpress a while ago. So as insurance, and to see which system I prefer, I'm duplicate posting at both sites for a little while.
http://quiltedlife.wordpress.com

Evolving

2007-04-13T08:26:00.000+01:00

This is a [poor] photo of the style of textile art I've been doing in recent years. The colours are actually much richer, although they change in the differing light throughout the day.

Dyed and painted silk habotai, dupion, noil and velvet. Hand quilted to follow the flow and enhance.

It sounds pretentious to call them meditative pieces, but my aim was to lose myself in the flow as I painted and stitched, and for the final piece to serve as an aid to meditation.

Late last year I happened upon Spirit Cloth, http://spiritcloth.typepad.com/spirit_cloth/ the most wonderful journal of Jude Hill. I'm too technologically challenged to know how to safely post images from her site without breaching copyright or bandwidth, but I cannot speak more highly of her work, the process, techniques, and most importantly her vision.

The main blog documents the making of a quilt for a relative. She says,
The quilt is a story by default, but each fabric has a story too. The ties are like little tales [tails?] a perfect way to use up snippets of the past, too precious to discard, a small trail of moments in my life, to share and give as gifts, reminders of time apart. a way to be together. a short biographical sketch. a charm bracelet.

I visit this site daily. It never fails to fascinate, has been immensely inspiring, always smoothes the fractious wrinkles and soothes the stresses of a demanding day.

As I plan Erica's quilt, its a challenge to avoid copying. But Jude's work has opened my inner eyes to new creative vistas and cleared a path towards my vision of soul-full stitching.

Hitting the wall of self doubt

2007-04-12T13:59:00.000+01:00

It would have been so much better had I not had to take yesterday away from this. In these early planning stages I need to have a straight run, with focused concentration, else I lose the thread and self doubt creeps in.

The background panels came out kinda sorta what I'd wanted, although I'd hoped they'd be a bit more... well, more. Unfortunately, the most interesting parts will get cut away when the moons are appliqued, or reverse appliqued - I haven't decided yet. I shall probably use these ghostly moons in the outer border, but I'm still left feeling that I should overdye or paint the panels further.

I positioned the panels on my bed to get an overview. Unfortunately I couldn't get the distance to get a complete photo, but seeing them placed together it was apparent that I should put away dye and paintbrush, and introduce more interest through embroidery and applique later.

But it was also apparent that these panels are just too big - so a rejigging of the dimensions of both plan and panels themselves to see whether I can reduce them to 40cm. The applique moons will get reduced in size from 'large dining 'plate to 'we're watching our portion size' plate.

A day spent blogging and dyeing and dreaming

2007-04-10T17:08:00.000+01:00

Moon background panels:
I've dye-painted the 8 panels in varying solutions of midnight blue, and a very dilute wash of warm black in places.

I suspect the result will not be quite what I'd hoped for. If so, I shall overpaint with Payne's Grey acrylic.

Using up the leftover dye:

Fabrics

2007-04-10T16:41:00.000+01:00

Erica chose these Kaffe Fassett patterns for inclusion. I shall use them in the 30cm outer-blocks.

Procion-dyed viscose satin. I shall use this for small applique moons on the cotton velvet dark
moons.

Procion-dyed cotton velvet - for the 'dark' moons:

Playing with ideas

2007-04-10T15:33:00.000+01:00

The central area will be 3 x 3 - 50cm squares, the moons appliqued to a dyed or painted background, surrounded by 7 x 7 - 30cm nine block squares.

I'm thinking of using cotton velvet for the dark moon areas, viscose satin for the light moons.

I'm not keen on the 'wavy sky' background. I think I'd prefer shades of one colour, introducing other colours through embroidery later.

Planning the theme

2007-04-10T10:09:00.000+01:00

Glennie Kindred's _Sacred Celebrations_

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Sacred-Celebrations-Sourcebook-Glennie-Kindred/dp/0906362482/ref=sr_1_1/026-0713019-9862038?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1176195439&sr=8-1

is an excellent introduction to Celtic earth-based spirituality.

from the INTRODUCTION

[Celtic solar-year] festivals fall at eight points during the solar year, and include fixed points of Winter and Summer Solstices; the Spring and Autumn Equinoxes; and the four seasonal peaks of Spring, Summer, Autumn and Winter. Celebrating these points is a means by which we can connect to the Earth's passing seasons and acknowledge the way this resonates within ourselves, as part of the natural world.

Interwoven in the Sun's cycles are the monthly cycles of the Moon whose influence affects all of life on Earth from the tides of the world's oceans, to the fluids within our bodies, our emotions, our unconscious, the fertility of women and their menstrual cycles.

Celebrating the solar cycle of the year and the monthly Moon cycles is a way of re-connecting to the native traditions of the land. When we are freed from superstition, fear and suppression, we are once again potent and alive, and moving forward to embrace a new spiritual understanding.

And so:

One side of the quilt will show representations of the solar year festivals, the seasons, the four directions [north, east, south, west] and related elements [earth, air, fire and water].

The other side will show the eight Moon phases:
dark/new moon, crescent moon, first quarter, gibbous, full moon, disseminating, last quarter, balsamic.

Preliminary sketch of the moon-phase side:

2007-04-10T08:55:00.000+01:00

I'm starting to get a tad more comfortable with the blogging process, although spacing and the editing function seem to have a mind of their own. Hopefully, as it and I become more familiar my post layouts will improve.

Similarly, the fear of 'going public' and showing my limited skills is lessening. Quite how much of myself and my life I will feel comfortable to reveal remains to be seen. I suspect it will trickle out in dribs and drabs. But I realise from reading blogs that I'm fascinated to know more about the people whose amazing creativity fills my screen and soothes my soul each morning before I face the daily grind.

The fact that I'm posting so much at the moment is because I'm on leave from work. Aside from two days taken up with family commitments, I have the rest of this week to devote to Erica's quilt, and blogging the process. Do I sound happy? You bet!

2007-04-10T07:26:00.000+01:00

I love my paintbox.
I can't paint or draw, but I can colour-in!

I bought the Winsor & Newton watercolour box in a half price sale about fifteen years ago. It came with a few basic colours which I've since added to, but I've yet to need to replace any - the merest touch of a damp brush and its loaded with intense pigment.

I'm interested to see which colours have been most used, which barely touched.

Top of the list comes Payne's Grey. I love this moody blue-grey, from its inky darkness to the translucent shadowy veil.

Next most used:
Indian Yellow, French Ultramarine, Permanent Rose and Olive Green

Least-used:

Winsor Yellow, Scarlet Lake, Cadmium Red, Winsor Blue, Winsor Green, Viridian, Raw Sienna, Indian Red and Raw Umber.

The Winsor yellow comes as no surprise - I've an aversion to acidic yellows, although it mixes interesting greens.
Scarlet lake and cadmium red, Winsor green and viridian, are just 'not my colours'.
I'm surprised to rediscover Winsor blue - an intense warm-blue.
Similarly, I've under-rated the earth colours Raw sienna, Indian red and Raw umber.

This has been an interesting exercise for me, and useful to see how true my camera reproduces the colours.

2007-04-09T13:06:00.000+01:00

What matters:

The quilt must be structurally strong and durable
made from natural fibres - other than small areas of embellishment
reversible.

Fabrics:

Cotton

procion-dyed
deep-dye commercial plains
commercial patterns
Cotton velvet

Linen

Silk

velvet
dupion
noil
habotai

Viscose satin

Recycled - particularly fabrics from childhood garments

Size and dimensions:

to fit a standard double bed - approx. 140 x 190 cm
no obvious 'right way up', so I shall make it square.
allowing side-overhang of 30-40 cm
preliminary design ideas suggest a finished size of 210 x 210 cm

2007-04-08T10:38:00.000+01:00

"A pagan theme", was my daughter's response to the question about the design of her quilt.
Her degree in philosophy and electives in theology reveal her interest in ideas and beliefs. Combine it with my interest in myths, stories and their telling, inner wisdom and the divine feminine - and the theme of the quilt is easily decided.

I want the quilt to be a cloak of comfort and protection. It must be soft and warm, something that enfolds her in a sense of security, a place to escape the daily demands where she can relive her triumphs, mourn the losses, untangle the issues, and restore her equilibrium. A tall order for my limited skills. But what I have in abundance is the need to continue to nurture her, and each stitch will secure that intention.

2007-04-08T09:31:00.000+01:00

Despite all of my preparations, the departure to university last September of my eldest child was.... well, frankly awful. A classic bittersweet experience, founded upon immense respect for the young woman she has become, tremendous pride in her achievements, vicarious excitement in anticipation of the experiences ahead... and a huge mama-shaped hole filled with longing to keep her close and safe.

More than six months have passed and we're both adjusting to the changes. I worry about getting the balance right between responding appropriately to her adult status and her obvious need at times to have the mothering of her childhood.

She moves from hall of residence to a shared house - well, two houses, fourteen people - next academic year. And I have a need to make a new quilt for her. This blog will hopefully chart the process.

2007-04-06T06:21:00.000+01:00

Dawn... from my garden

2007-03-31T19:43:00.000+01:00

The fresh start of almost six months ago has grown stale, so I've cleared the ground and made ready to plant my new ideas.

2006-11-28T20:47:00.000Z

A fresh start....